dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
