***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
