Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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