SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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