i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
