Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
