btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
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