Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
