let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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