i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
