I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
