i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
