Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
