You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
