Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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