My hair reeks of homosexuality.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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