i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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