I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
