Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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