you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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