well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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