Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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