Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
