I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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