You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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