Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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