First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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