I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
