I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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