Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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