Whod you bang
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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