Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
