i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
