I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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