Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
