i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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