Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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