I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i barfeds in our rink
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
