so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
