Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
