it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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