I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love having hate sex.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
