We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Randomize
