Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
