'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
