No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
