if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
