I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
