whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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