You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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