Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
