third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
