last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
