she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
