She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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