I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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