You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think my fart just growled at me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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